Understanding Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, but for some, it can feel overwhelming and enduring. When grief becomes prolonged or leads to a sense of being stuck, it may be helpful to explore its nature and ways to process it effectively.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a multifaceted emotional experience that arises after a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or other life-altering changes.
While grief is a normal and necessary process, becoming stuck in grief can prevent healing and moving forward. For example, someone stuck in grief may feel unable to resume activities they once enjoyed or experience constant yearning for what has been lost.
The Emotional Experience of Grief
Grief is deeply personal and affects everyone differently. Common emotional responses include:
- Intense sadness and longing.
- Feelings of guilt, regret, or anger.
- A sense of numbness or disbelief.
- Yearning for the lost person or situation.
These emotions can ebb and flow, but feeling stuck often means these feelings remain intense and unchanging over time.
How Grief Affects the Body
Grief is not only emotional but also physical. Its effects on the body can include:
Physical System Changes
- Fatigue and Exhaustion
Prolonged grief can sap energy levels, leaving individuals feeling constantly drained. - Appetite Changes
Loss of appetite or overeating can be a physical manifestation of grief. - Sleep Disturbances
Insomnia or sleeping excessively is common during grief. - Physical Aches and Pains
Tension headaches, stomachaches, or general discomfort can result from the stress of grief. - Weakened Immune Response
Chronic grief can impact the immune system, increasing susceptibility to illness.
Behavioural Changes
Grief can lead to behaviours that may indicate someone is struggling to process their loss. These include:
- Withdrawing from friends and family.
- Avoiding reminders of the loss or, conversely, obsessively focusing on them.
- Neglecting self-care or responsibilities.
- Seeking escapism through unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use.
These behaviours are not failures but expressions of the difficulty in navigating the complexities of grief.
Cognitive Changes
Grief affects the way individuals think and perceive the world. Common cognitive responses include:
- Persistent Thoughts of Loss
Replaying memories or imagining different outcomes can dominate one’s thoughts. - Difficulty Concentrating
Focusing on work or daily tasks can feel impossible. - Distorted Beliefs
Grieving individuals may blame themselves or believe they will never feel better. - Hopelessness
Feeling that life has no purpose or that the future holds no joy can perpetuate a sense of being stuck.
Restoring Balance
While grief cannot be rushed, certain approaches can help individuals navigate the healing process:
- Acknowledging the Loss
Fully experiencing and expressing emotions is crucial to moving through grief. - Therapeutic Support
Talking to a therapist, especially in approaches like grief counselling or person-centred therapy, can provide space to process emotions. - Establishing Routine
Returning to a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy. - Honouring the Loss
Finding meaningful ways to remember the lost person or situation—through rituals, writing, or creating a memorial—can foster healing. - Connecting with Others
Sharing grief with trusted friends or support groups can reduce feelings of isolation.
What Causes People to Become Stuck in Grief?
Grief becomes complicated or prolonged for various reasons, including:
- Unexpected or Traumatic Loss
Losses that occur suddenly or under traumatic circumstances can make it harder to process. - Unresolved Past Issues
Previous experiences of loss or unresolved conflicts may resurface during grief. - Lack of Support
Feeling alone or misunderstood can make grief feel insurmountable. - Attachment Styles
Individuals with an anxious attachment style may find it particularly difficult to let go.
Grief and Person-Centred Theory
From a person-centred perspective, becoming stuck in grief can occur when individuals struggle to integrate their loss into their sense of self. This can happen for several reasons:
- Loss of Congruence: The loss disrupts the harmony between an individual’s self-concept and their lived experiences.
- Suppressed Emotions: Societal expectations or personal fears can prevent individuals from fully expressing their feelings.
- External Locus of Evaluation: Over-reliance on others’ approval or perspectives may hinder personal processing of grief.
Grief in Perspective
Grief is a natural response to loss, but becoming stuck can interfere with healing and living a fulfilling life. With patience, understanding, and the right support, it is possible to navigate grief and find a way forward while honouring the loss. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and healing is a journey that unfolds in its own time.
Client Testimonial: (anonymised and shared with permission)
“When I first came to therapy, I felt completely stuck in my grief after losing my partner. I couldn’t imagine life without them and felt paralysed by the loss. Working with Kate helped me process my loss and I began to make sense of my emotions and learned how to hold my partner’s memory while rebuilding my own life. I’m finally starting to feel hopeful again.”
If it sounds as grief and loss is something you are struggling with, contact me to book a free 20 minute phone consultation.
Holistic Healing. Authentic Transformation. 